Take Me to the Bar Instead!

October 28, 2017

Hola Bitcholas,

Last weekend I got lost in the world of kid's soccer games, birthday parties, etc, etc. This weekend (not the WHOLE weekend, but tomorrow) I have to go to IKEA. IKEA is a fine store, has a billion different things...but I only need THREE things. The problem is that the way IKEA designs their stores, I still have to traverse the jungle of the other 999 million, 999 hundred thousand, 997 things. Inevitably, I will walk out of there with much more than I planned...and significantly lighter in the wallet. It's a weird truth with IKEA.  

Credit where credit is due...IKEA has a brilliant design...but that's what really pisses me off about the whole experience. I'm gonna end up with a f**king lamp I don't need, or a spatula set or some other bullsh*t I had no initial intent of buying.  

I know what you're thinking, 'don't buy the crap you don't need'. You're right, but's let be real; there's no way that happens. Look, when I go to the bar, I KNOW I don't need that 'last' shot...but guess what happens every time? Go ahead and guess.

IKEA, in many ways is like going to the bar. You think you're gonna have A drink. You tell YOURSELF that fiction as well as anyone who will lend an ear, but deep down, in those places we hate to access (our personal truth ocean) we know damn well that we're lying. And so it is with IKEA.  

The worst part of the whole thing is that I have to put sh*t together after I get it home. I really hate that part. And hey, IKEA, your f**king 'instructions'; stop with the 'smiling guy'. NO ONE has ever smiled while putting together IKEA furniture. I don't know any language other than English, yet, when I put together IKEA furniture I can curse in 17 dialects.  

Alright bitches, have yourselves a fine weekend. Maybe I'll see you at IKEA,

Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!