Thrill's Big Brown Blog Has a Spoiler

July 21, 2017

Hola,

Just thought I'd share what I learned today...because it's f**king with my head.

First, just know that I LOVE me some science learnin'. Always have. I have bookshelves FULL of science books...and tattoo art...lots of those too...but science and science-y books are everywhere.  

Science Channel, Discover, History Channel...they're most likely on my TV (when I have control of the Goddamn remote!).  

Anyway, I enjoy science and, in particular, 'scientific spoilers'. You know what I'm talking about; when scientists chime in on popular culture to debunk the fun times. They're like 'reality Nazis'.

For example, they've recently let us know that, in the event you ever visit a real life Jurassic Park...AND the T-Rex escapes it paddock...AND it decides to try to eat you (after terrorizing children in a car, of course)...chances are, you could outrun it.

Yep. See, the T-Rex topped out at about 16 miles per hour and you, the average human, can get up to about 19 mph. In other words, you'd outrun that big, grumpy mother**ker.  

THAT was the unrealistic part of Jurassic Park. Not the dinosaurs.

And then there are 'science spoilers' for things like Star Wars and Star Trek where EVERYTHING is called into question. But one of the things they enjoy pointing out is that space is a vacuum and so there is no sound, no noise. Therefore, you know how Tie Fighters sound really f**king cool? Yeah, no. Death Star blows up with a Biblical "boom"? Nope.   

Oh, and if you're one of those people who liked the Ewoks (hate those fuzzy little sons of bitches) just know that the destruction of the second Death Star in Return of the Jedi would have actually resulted in Ewok CARNAGE. The fragments of the destroyed Death Star would have come raining to the planet surface (yeah, I know it was a 'moon'...f**k you) burying the Ewoks under molten metal.   

Not so goddamn cute now.

Ah, but what I learned today that really messes with my mind and makes me uncomfortable also comes to us courtesy of the 'reality Nazi's'.  In this case, it involves Nemo from Finding Nemo.

Clownfish (the type of fish Nemo was) can change from male-to-female if they need to, for reproduction. Plenty of animals can do that...but they decided to point out that BECAUSE of that little quirk, when Nemo's mother dies at the beginning of the movie (spoiler alert...oh, too late) Nemo's FATHER would've grown female sex organs and started reproducing...WITH NEMO!!!

This bothers me on so many levels. I've seen that movie a million times with the kids and I'm pretty sure I can't see it the same way again...not with this horrible knowledge. Seriously man, I have horrible images going through my mind.  

F**ked up stuff, amigos. In real life, Nemo's dad is a strange dude.

I'm outta here.

Until next time, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!