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Church of Crowley


Any Back to the Future Fans?

'Jaws 19' Gets a Trailer to Celebrate the 'Back to the Future' 30th Anniversary.
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You found it WHERE?

Dateline Friday January 13th, 2012 - Onslow, North Carolina - Meet 22-year-old Michael Leon Ward. Michael was pulled over for speeding. Police very shortly found out that Michael had an outstanding warrant out for his arrest...for Murder in Atlanta. So they arrested him.
Michael goes to jail, he goes through the normal process - fingerprints, mug shot...pat down, and then he's put in jail. Well, it's while he's in jail that police at the jail find...a gun. In his cell!
But they searched him...he didn't have a gun. So how did one wind up in his cell? Investigators think they know they believe that Ward smuggled the TEN-INCH, .38-CALIBER REVOLVER into the jail by hiding it in his most unsearchable place. Yes, they believe he jammed the TEN-INCH GUN in the Anaheim right before he was arrested. At least he was smart enough to make sure the gun was unloaded.
Michael was taken to the hospital so he could be examined to see if he suffered any sphinctal injuries. That's a quote - sphinctal injuries. Prosecutors in Georgia are now examining the gun to see if it was potentially Ward's murder weapon. 
That is your Rock Life Story for today, Wednesday January 18th 2012

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Topics : Law_Crime
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Locations : AtlantaGeorgiaNorth CarolinaOnslow
People : Michael LeonMichael Leon Ward


Nuts, anyone?

Dateline, Thursday December 29th 2011 - Meet 34 year-old Edward Brown. Ed decided to go to the movies, so he went to the theater and wound up going to the 4pm showing of Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked".  Which is rated G.  And also has a title that's so bad it's kinda good.
Anyway, about 30 minutes into the movie, Ed, for some reason took off all his clothes, stood up...in the front row and then turned and faced the crowd. Which, of course, was made up of parents and children.
Obviously the cops were called and showed up to arrest Ed, and that's when he told them he hadn't even bought a ticket to "Chipwrecked." Now according to Ed, he claims a woman let him into the theater and told him to sit in the front row, get naked, and get ready to have sex with her and do some drugs together.
According to Ed, the woman, who the cops never found by the way, wanted to get high and have sex in the middle of the afternoon in the front row of the kids movie Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked".
Ed was arrested for sexual exploitation of children and disorderly conduct.
I will say in Ed's defense, the commercials do make it seems they make a lot of double entendre jokes about nuts in the movie.
That is your rock life story for today, Wednesday January 4th 2012

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Ass Flavored Cocaine - Yum!

The last Rock Life Story of the year
Dateline Tuesday December 20th 2011 - Meet 23-year-old Deangelo Mitchell of Charleston South Carolina. Deangello and his younger brother were driving in Charleston when they were pulled over for a broken tail light. Whatever happened after that, the two were handcuffed and put in the back of the cop car. That's when the video in the cop car takes over.
On the video you can see DeAngelo fish an ounce of cocaine...out of his ass crack...and he talks his younger brother into eating the cocaine.
DeAngelo says "Eat that s*$#, so I can get out. One of us gotta do it, you the only one that don't have any strikes... You my little brother... I'm gonna get life."
The 20-year-old eventually gives in. On the video you can see Deangelo taking something from his ass crack, then the little brother leans down and eats the drugs. Soon after, the 20 year old died.
Deangelo is now up on charges of involuntary manslaughter along with drug trafficking.
That's your rock life story for today, December 21st 2011

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Topics : Human Interest
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People : Deangelo Mitchell


Meth is a Helluva Drug!

Dateline Tuesday December 13th 2011 - Bay Saint Louis Mississippi - Meet 49 year old Mark Andrew Rice. Mark was a truck driver and over the years of driving certain routes, Mark met a prostitute named Natasha Carpenter. In time, the two fell in love and THEN, in September of 2009 Mark bought the pro an engagement ring and asked her to marry him. She, of course, said yes.
The two love birds were on one of Mark's Truck routes that took him to Barstow California and as part of their "engagement celebration" the newly engaged Natasha agreed to some special engagement sex. What is special engagement sex, you ask? If you're Mark it means you get to tie up Natasha's arms and legs and put a gag in her mouth as Mark acted out a fantasy.
Apparently, that didn't end up going so well...because Natasha suffocated and died. So what does Mark do? What any guy in that situation would do - he panics, and then buys "all the meth his dealer had" and drove to Kiln, Mississippi with Natasha's body in the truck's cab under a tarp. Mark then set fire to the truck with himself and the body inside. I guess he had planned to kill himself but police pulled him from the burning truck.
At his hearing yesterday Mark said, "I had been up for days. I was not thinking clearly." Mark was sentenced to 6 years for arson and desecration of a body and he was also ordered to pay Natasha's family about $4,100 for the cost of her funeral.
That is your rock life story for today, Wednesday December 14th 2011

 HERE for the full news article
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Locations : KilnMississippi
People : Mark AndrewMark Andrew RiceNatasha Carpenter


Baby Mama Drama

Dateline Thursday December 1st 2011 - London England. I'd like you to meet 25 year old Marc Kasperzack. Marc is on trial right now because he got tired of being with his girlfriend and mother of his child. And of course, this is the rock life, so it's never just that easy. 
The reason he's on trial? Back in Mayhere's how the events began to unfold - The two are home, Marc and 27 year old Michelina (the baby mama for those keeping track) were just hangin out...when apparently, Marc had enough. Marc told Michelina that "she was not as good-looking as the girls he saw at the gym..." then he tased her, knocking her out and paralyzing her. And I guess Marc had been planning this for a while because he had recruited an accomplice - an 18 year old guy that Marc paid to help him out.
The two guys, Marc and the 18 year old, take the still paralyzed Michelina, bind her, gag her and then put her in a large computer box and taped it all up to secure it. After they taped it all up they cut a couple holes in the box to make sure she got air. Which is really stupid since then they took the box and burried it in a shallow hole and piled dirt around the box and on top of it, finally placing a large branch on top of the box. That's how they left her, out in the middle of nowhere, burried alive in a box.
Amazingly, somehow Michelina was able to unbind herself using her engagement ring and dig her way out of the box. It took her an hour and a half, she estimates, to get out of everything. After escaping the box and dirt, she was able to flag down a passing motorist for help.
Marc and the 18 year old were arrested and are charged with attemtped murder, kidnaping and false imprisonment. They're on trial now. That's your Rock Life Story for today, December 7th 2011

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Locations : London
People : Marc KasperzackMichelina


When Tattoos Go Wrong

Dateline Friday November 25th 2011 - Dayton Ohio - Yes, the 7th ring of hell. I want you to meet Rosie Brovent who is looking to file a $100,000 lawsuit against her ex boyfriend Ryan Fitzgerald for a tattoo he gave her. You see, Ryan is a tattoo artist.
The story goes that some while they were going out, Rosie asked Ryan to put a scene from the movie Narnia on her back. So they talk about it, he not only gives her plenty of alcohol to deal with the pain, but also talks her into signing a consent form that stated the design was “at the artist’s discretion.”
So he gives Rosie the tattoo - and here's where the twist is - he didn't tattoo the scene from Narnia on her back, instead he tatted her with  the image of a huge pile of crap with flies buzzing around it. It covers her entire back. (Click Here for the article & picture)
Why did he do it? Apparently, Ryan found out that Rosie had cheated with a long-time friend of his...and she didn't know he found out. So, this is where exacted his revenge. The moral of the story? Moral? Who cares about the moral - this is where I point and laugh!
That's your rock life story for today, Wednesday November 29th 2011
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Rock Life 11-23-11 Baby Got BACK!

Dateline - Friday November 19th, Miami Gardens, Florida. I want to introduce you to 30-year-old Oneal Ron Morris - Oneal fancied herself somewhat of a self improvement Spokeswoman for her own product. The product she was selling was supposed to help put more junk in women's trunk. For those women who want a bigger ass. By the way, who are those women? All the women I know want less ass, not more of it.
Anyway, so police picked up Oneal on Friday night after she had "helped" a woman who would up in the hospital with a serious, undisclosed medical issue. As it turns out, the "product" that Oneal was injecting into people's asses, was an insane mix - literally of cement, that fix a flat stuff for your tires and super glue. Yeah, this bitch was injecting that crap into people's asses.
And apparently she used that stuff or something else on her own ass, because you have to see this chick...the badonka donk she's sporting is HUGE! Judging by her full-body mugshot, which you can see on my facebook page, her measurements probably check in around 38-30-95. I'm not kidding...her ass is that big. Damn!
Oh, and you know there was going to be another twist - as it turns out, Oneal is also a transgender woman who used to be a man. So she's got the ta ta's but she's also got the junk - full twig and berries in the underbrush.
Oneal is now in jail and being held on $7500 dollars cash bail.
That's your Rock Life for today, Wednesday November 23rd 2011

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Locations : FloridaMiami
People : JudgingOneal Ron Morris


Satanic Sex Rituals

Lately I've been meeting a lot of people through twitter - we tweet back and forth and have wound up at the same bar and start talking. Some people do the online dating thing and some people do the online stalking/I want to kill you thing. That's what our rock life story is about today.
Dateline Wednesday November 9th 2011 Milwaukee Wisconsin - I want you to meet 22-year-old Rebecca Chandler. Rebecca had gone on the internet and was communicating with an un-identified 18 year old man from Phoenix, Arizona. The two talked for a while online, until eventually they decided to meet up and have sex...with this guy traveling by bus, all the way to Milwaukee from Phoenix. 1800 miles on a bus. For sex.
So this guy gets there and Rebecca shows up with her friend, 20-year-old Raven Larrabee, and they offer up a threesome. Of course this 18 year old is gung ho about it! He's all for it!
The three go back to Rebecca's apartment where the two women tie the guy up and get down to doing the Indiana Boner and the Temple of Poon part 3. When they're done with the threesome, this is where the bad news comes in...because the two women start stabbing him.  Over and over and over again. And not in the happy fun time way. Apparently the threesome was part of some Satanic Sex ritual these girls had read in "The Necromantic Ritual Book". 
When the cops finally found him, after he was reported missing by people back in Arizona, two days later, he had close to 300 shallow stab wounds . . . but somehow he was still alive.
During a search of the apartment, police found several satanic books, and the two women were arrested on suspicion of reckless injury, but haven't been charged yet. The man is recovering in the hospital.
That is your rock life story for today, Wednesday November 16th 2011

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Locations : ArizonaMilwaukeePhoenix
People : Raven LarrabeeRebecca Chandler


Never Bring a Knife to a Taser Fight

Today's Rock life story I had forwarded to me by a friend of the show, Captain Dan - Thanks Dan!
Dateline, Friday October 28th 2011 - Canandaigua, New York - Meet 28 year old Uriah J. Cayer of Middle Cheshire Road. Late that Thursday night into Friday morning, something had happened at Uriah's house...because according to reports he was there with a woman.
Whatever they were doing, whether it was partying or just hangin' out, it didn't turn out quite they way I'm sure Uriah had expected...because the police were called to his house around 12:50 in the morning. Allegedly, Uriah had struck the woman in the head. And when police got there, he wasn't having any of it...he wasn't going quietly.
You see, Uriah decided to arm himself with "several knives and a sword and refused to put them down when deputies arrived."
There was a bit of a standoff until police decided to pull out the taser - then ZAP Bam boom, Uriah folded like a cheap rug. He was taken into custody and held without bail until he could be arraigned.
Uriah Cayer, for bringing a knife & a sword to a taser fight, you are the Rock Life Subject.

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Locations : CanandaiguaNew York
People : Dan - Thanks DanUriah J. Cayer

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