by “Christian Dan” Borrello,posted May 21 2008 12:22PM
Jon Lester just threw a no-hitter--the 18th in Red Sox history--the year after he overcame non-Hodgkins lymphoma and still managed to throw the clinching game of the 2007 World Series.After 86 years of futility, you now have won two world titles in four years, while Yankee fans still don those stupid "Got Rings?" shirts, or 2090 hats.First, any Yankee fan who buys one of those shirts needs to just swallow the sour grapes and accept a lifetime banishment from Yankees Universe for actually wearing something that screams "loser."Second, (blank) you, Red Sox fans.Yes, I still hate you people. Even though my girlfriend is a Red Sox fan. All her little girlfriends are Red Sox fans. My bandmates (www.digglersbridge.com) Ken and Steve are revisionist Red Sox fans. Lumpy is supposedly a fan of the "Saux", though he claims his Red Sox Nation membership card is still in the hands of the US Postal Service.Sure, you may ask any of these people what number Kevin Youkilis wears and they'd have no idea. You could mention the Boston Massacre of '78, and they'll think you mean 1778. You can try to discuss Pesky's Pole and they'll think of either the Indy 500 or a DVD they forgot to return to (INSERT CMF ADULT VIDEO SPONSOR HERE).I don't truly hate individual fans, per se. But I hate you as a group.It's a good hate. A fun hate. It's not Nation-of-Islam-hates-whitey hate. It's a ball-breaking hate. And since we Yankee fans don't have any juevos left to grapestomp since 2004, it makes me love to hate you wanna-be chowda-heads even more.Like I said, it's a wink-wink hate. But a hate nonetheless. And a fear.A fear of walking into Fenway Park donning a Yankee jersey. A fear of naming my firstborn, Derek Jeter Borrello, knowing this could actually be detrimental to her life.Or most scary, a fear that the Olde Towne Team--once known for the Curse of the Bambino, Johnny Pesky incident in '46, racism toward both Jackie Robinson AND Willie Mays, Bill Buckner, the Big Red Machine, pissing-off Ted Williams, booing Jim Rice, losing three games in '67 to Bob Gibson, Bucky (F'n) Dent, Grady Little, Gordon Edes and his "curly-haired boyfriend" (Dan Shaughnessy), Harry Frazee, Tom Yawkey, Dan Duquette, Tony Conigliaro, Margo Adams, Sam "Mayday" Malone and trading Roger Clemens before he found started misremembering things--may be this century's version of the New York Yankees.My father warned me that old curse may have actually reached its former juxtaposition. And it now may have invaded the new Yankee Stadium thanks to some BoSox memorabilia some no-show construction mobster says he mixed into the concrete like Jimmy Hoffa's TEAMSTERS card.But what's almost as infuriating is the Beantown Bandwagon is growing faster than Ted Kennedy's tumah.If you're truly a formerly long-suffering, dyed-in-the-stirrups, card-carrying member of Red Sox Nation who can tell me which Met hit Bill Buckner's famous gaffe, what the score was beforehand, the order of pitchers who helped blow Game Six, and where you were when it all imploded, you know the "fans" I'm talking about.And in all honesty, admit it, you hate these Red Sox fans, too, just like I hate these chick Yankee fans who say their favorite Yankee is Alex Rodriguez. Thank God the YES Network canceled Ultimate Roadtrip, even if one of its "fans" was from Rochester.You (true red-n-blue Saux fan) and I probably know more about the Red Sox--a team I hate--that those who have grew grizzly beards and joined that artificial, ESPN-created Red Sox Nation, born in Bristol, Conn. long before Curt Schilling's sacred Sock of Turin.Yet, who'da thunk at the turn of the century that a pinstriper like myself--who has documentation of being a Yankee fan since age 3--would actually become jealous of a bunch of "idiots?"Yes. It's true.Your team and your legions of fair-weather fans have given me even more reasons to hate you besides just being yourselves.I could crack wise about Ted Williams freeze-dried head, but you're still the world champs.I could make a joke about the KKK sponsoring a Tom Yawkey white-hood night at Fenway--you're still the world champs.I could say it all doesn't bother me, but you're still the world champs.And that would make me a liar.Even if most of you are lying about how long you've loved the Red Sox.But you're still the world champs.