The Break Room

Mornings: 6:00 - 10:00


Congratulations Red Sox Fans. Ugh.

Jon Lester just threw a no-hitter--the 18th in Red Sox history--the year after he overcame non-Hodgkins lymphoma and still managed to throw the clinching game of the 2007 World Series.After 86 years of futility, you now have won two world titles in four years, while Yankee fans still don those stupid "Got Rings?" shirts, or 2090 hats.First, any Yankee fan who buys one of those shirts needs to just swallow the sour grapes and accept a lifetime banishment from Yankees Universe for actually wearing something that screams "loser."Second, (blank) you, Red Sox fans.Yes, I still hate you people. Even though my girlfriend is a Red Sox fan. All her little girlfriends are Red Sox fans. My bandmates ( Ken and Steve are revisionist Red Sox fans. Lumpy is supposedly a fan of the "Saux", though he claims his Red Sox Nation membership card is still in the hands of the US Postal Service.Sure, you may ask any of these people what number Kevin Youkilis wears and they'd have no idea. You could mention the Boston Massacre of '78, and they'll think you mean 1778. You can try to discuss Pesky's Pole and they'll think of either the Indy 500 or a DVD they forgot to return to (INSERT CMF ADULT VIDEO SPONSOR HERE).I don't truly hate individual fans, per se. But I hate you as a group.It's a good hate. A fun hate. It's not Nation-of-Islam-hates-whitey hate. It's a ball-breaking hate. And since we Yankee fans don't have any juevos left to grapestomp since 2004, it makes me love to hate you wanna-be chowda-heads even more.Like I said, it's a wink-wink hate. But a hate nonetheless. And a fear.A fear of walking into Fenway Park donning a Yankee jersey. A fear of naming my firstborn, Derek Jeter Borrello, knowing this could actually be detrimental to her life.Or most scary, a fear that the Olde Towne Team--once known for the Curse of the Bambino, Johnny Pesky incident in '46, racism toward both Jackie Robinson AND Willie Mays, Bill Buckner, the Big Red Machine, pissing-off Ted Williams, booing Jim Rice, losing three games in '67 to Bob Gibson, Bucky (F'n) Dent, Grady Little, Gordon Edes and his "curly-haired boyfriend" (Dan Shaughnessy), Harry Frazee, Tom Yawkey, Dan Duquette, Tony Conigliaro, Margo Adams, Sam "Mayday" Malone and trading Roger Clemens before he found started misremembering things--may be this century's version of the New York Yankees.My father warned me that old curse may have actually reached its former juxtaposition. And it now may have invaded the new Yankee Stadium thanks to some BoSox memorabilia some no-show construction mobster says he mixed into the concrete like Jimmy Hoffa's TEAMSTERS card.But what's almost as infuriating is the Beantown Bandwagon is growing faster than Ted Kennedy's tumah.If you're truly a formerly long-suffering, dyed-in-the-stirrups, card-carrying member of Red Sox Nation who can tell me which Met hit Bill Buckner's famous gaffe, what the score was beforehand, the order of pitchers who helped blow Game Six, and where you were when it all imploded, you know the "fans" I'm talking about.And in all honesty, admit it, you hate these Red Sox fans, too, just like I hate these chick Yankee fans who say their favorite Yankee is Alex Rodriguez. Thank God the YES Network canceled Ultimate Roadtrip, even if one of its "fans" was from Rochester.You (true red-n-blue Saux fan) and I probably know more about the Red Sox--a team I hate--that those who have grew grizzly beards and joined that artificial, ESPN-created Red Sox Nation, born in Bristol, Conn. long before Curt Schilling's sacred Sock of Turin.Yet, who'da thunk at the turn of the century that a pinstriper like myself--who has documentation of being a Yankee fan since age 3--would actually become jealous of a bunch of "idiots?"Yes. It's true.Your team and your legions of fair-weather fans have given me even more reasons to hate you besides just being yourselves.I could crack wise about Ted Williams freeze-dried head, but you're still the world champs.I could make a joke about the KKK sponsoring a Tom Yawkey white-hood night at Fenway--you're still the world champs.I could say it all doesn't bother me, but you're still the world champs.And that would make me a liar.Even if most of you are lying about how long you've loved the Red Sox.But you're still the world champs.

05/21/2008 12:22PM
Congratulations Red Sox Fans. Ugh.
Please Enter Your Comments Below
05/22/2008 11:11AM
Let me get this straight: you are actually now jealous, because the Red Sox have bandwagon fans and your lame-ass Yankees are so weak that they have lost that right?? The right to bandwagon fans?? And yet, isn't that what Rochester has earned with the Bills? The right to bandwagon because we don't have a team? Isn't that what sports is all about? Find a team to like? And generally, lame sports-minded douche bags who either watch sports, sports talk or call sports talk shows, do is pick the WINNERS?? Isn't that why everyone is rooting for a Lakers Celtics championship? We want the winners to be winners again?? SPORTS is just not that important dude. Go say a prayer for Myanmar.
05/22/2008 12:04PM
Ouch, Jayne. You're exactly the clueless person I wrote about. Anybody else?
05/27/2008 10:32AM
Boston Scott
Your a Yankmees fan I don't want or need your congrats Dan! You seem like a real decent guy on the show so you could be one of those flukes (I know a couple) A Yankmee fan who's actually a good person. That bein said - I was born and raised in the Greater Boston Area. I know all about the Johnny Pesky Pole the so called Boston Massacre of 78 (which to us was just anutha classic Sept. Sox choke) and subsequent one game playoff that gave birth to Bucky fuckin Dent. I remember 75 and the Big Red Assholes! I luvs Luis Tiant, Oil Can Boyd and let's not forget Spaceman Bill Lee! I know my favorite all time Red Sox players #s the Yaz #8 thank you very much. Fisk #27 Yook is # 20 Manny #24 and Big Papi #34. I know that long b4 big Papi we had the most feared slugger in baseball named Jim Rice!(who was once again robbed of the HOF) I remember EXACTLY where I was in a bah full of 200 or so Sox fans in Weymouth Mass in 86 when we watched the ball go thru Bill fuckin Buckners legs. I don't remember the score or the pitchers and don't particularly give a shit! Does that make me less of a fan because my brain isn't wired that way? I don't fuckin think so stat boy! I don't remember shit like that is all. I suffered a long and agonizing life as a Red Sox fan before 2004 and I'm as much of fan as anybody! I've always been a member of the Nation (which existed long b4 ESPN caught on) & think it's gratifying to see that the Sox and Pats are now good enuf to have "band wagon" fans. Are YOU from NYC? No? Then why are you a Yankmees fan? Oh cuz they USED TO BE Good which would make you a so called "Band Wagon" fan (or maybe you got it from your band wagon jumpin daddy)! I think YOU need to stop bein such a sport snob boy just cuz you have the stats, #s and names throughout history stored in yer noggin! I'm sure if I applied myself I could memorize all that shit too but I have a life! But then again Hey what do I know? Have a nice day! Boston Scott
05/27/2008 3:23PM
Well, well, Scott. It appears they now have Wi-Fi at the Cask and Flagon. Or should I say Enrights? It seems I have offended someone I was actually complimenting. But being the formerly longsuffering Saux fan you claim to be, I shouldn't have expected much from you to begin with. Silly me. Instead, like Jayne, you missed the joke entirely by choosing to focus on one little detail which was meant to be one of several examples. I'm not a sports snob. I was 6 when the Sox blew the Mets series. I didn't even see it. In fact, I used references to write this piece, and checked my facts like most good writers do. To my chagrin, you didn't even use spellcheck. The truth is, Red Sox fans have felt inferior to Yankee fans for decades, but now have the upper hand. Yet, you still want to relish the loser role and position yourselves as underdogs while boasting baseball's second-highest payroll, and play both sides of the Monstah. Then I praise real Sox fans like yourself, only to have you turn against me even though the piece is aimed AGAINST bandwagoneers who you and I both know (or at least I know) jumped aboard in 2003. By the way, I do remember staying up late to watch the Mel Hall, Ricky Henderson, Jesse Barfield, Andy Hawkins, Tim Stoddard, Dave Righetti, Joel Skinner, Doug Drabek, Claudell Washington Yankees, managed by Billy Martin, Lou Piniella, Dallas Green, Bucky Dent, Stump Merrill, Buck Showalter Yankees before some guy named "Clueless" Joe Torre came to town. No I'm not from NYC. Geez, ya got me there. Guess I'll have to start rooting for the Blue Jays or Indians considering they're only three or four hours away, rather than six. Once again, you have proven me wrong. Signed, Ignorant Christian Dan
05/29/2008 7:13AM
Dan - you are missing the point of both me and Boston Scott. And before you piss off a longtime listener of the show, Bostone Scott has been listening to CMF in the morning long before you came aboard, so take a deep breath. Now, back to the blog ... Our point (if I can speak for us) is that fans are fans. And if you are going to use the term "bandwagon" then Scott is right, unless your native to the town, you would in fact, be a bandwagon fan. I grew up in NYC but my family has been divided down the proverbial Yankee/Met, Giant/Jet, Islander/Ranger line my whole life. It just depends on what borough you grew up in, what county on the island, etc. Anyway - stats don't make a fan. You have a gift, but not if you use it to beat other people over the head with it. THAT was the gift and the grace of DiTullio. But, you're a young'un. You'll learn. But I do love listening to you - you're fun. Hang in there.
05/29/2008 5:19PM
Christian Dan
Thank you, Jayne.
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