I've found a new love in my life.
No, it won't replace my girlfriend. Sorry, Sally.
No, it won't take the place of my beloved, yet bottom-feeding Yankees, my band (Digglers Bridge), or of Jesus.
But it can compliment each of those--well, most of them anyway--and since I don't drink, it could actually make all those awful Yankee games a little bit easier to digest.
After years of settling for the Godfather sub, or the Danny's favorite at DiBella's or Wegmans respectively, I have discovered a brand new sub, that will soon become the official sub of Christian Dan:
The No. 1 at DiPisa's.
I don't even know what they call it, but it is in the same vein as those capicola (pronounced gabba-GOOL), salami and pepperoni heroes smothered in mozzerella cheese (pronounced mutz-uh-RELL--we I-talians chop off those last vowels) lettuce, tomato and mayo.
It's prosciutto ham (arguably one of the worst hams you can eat) with huge chunks of mozzerella cheese, drenched in (what else?) Hellmans, balanced-out of course by shreds of the cheapest iceberg lettuce and tomato slices you can find.
Sure, it's not healthy. Neither are garbage plates.
I don't smoke, rarely drink, and have never done drugs, and I'm currently not fornicating, so if I continue to indulge myself at least once a week, I don't think this will kill me.
And if it does, everyone has to go at some point.
* Could The Buffalo News chill-out on its columns regarding the Bills possibly leaving western New York? These stories alone have helped Warren Buffet pass Bill Gates for the title of World's Richest Man. Fans have talked about the Bills leaving town since 1989.
Until we see Mayflower trucks arrive at One Bills Drive, or reports of passport workshops, let's just enjoy the fact that season tickets are now cheaper to buy, and the Toronto games will give the Bills' a needed economic boost.
The last time the Bills needed a little spark, you all know where it came from.
No, Doug Flutie didn't save the franchise.
But he did provide the Bills with their last two playoff appearances. And that's indisputable.
* There's only one thing worse than attending a game at Yankee Stadium where you drive six hours to the Bronx only to watch your pinstripers lose to the hated, cross-town Mets:
Driving six hours to the Bronx to watch your pinstripers lose to the Boston Red Sox.
I've done both.
* Does anyone still care about the Indy 500? How about Indy Racing League in general?
* The Senior PGA Championship is at Oak Hill this week, so for one week everyone will say they care about the Senior Tour--a bunch of legends taking to the links to remind golfers all over western New York that no matter how old they get, they're still better than you.
That's the beauty of golf and it has to be appreciated.
Rochester has an opportunity this week to get up-close to the legends of yesteryear and watch them do what they still do best, even if their best is well behind them.
Sure, you can catch an old timers' baseball game somewhere.
And if you're lucky, Reggie Jackson may hit one over.
There's a better chance he'll sign a Reggie Bar for you.
You can't see Ali-Frazier IV, or get the 1972 Dolphins to play the 1985 Bears in a meaningful game.
But you can watch Tom Watson, and Tom Kite, and Fuzzy Zoeller, and Jeff Sluman, and Hale Irwin, and Greg Norman, and others tee-it-up one last time, and still have it count.
Baseball has its legends. On a good day, they'll sign a ball or take a picture with you.
Golf has its legends, too.
And this weekend, they may sign a ball or take a picture with you.
Then they'll go do what made them want you to have your ball signed by them, or have your picture taken with them.
I'm not golfer, but in what other sport can you get that?
Only one that I know.
Unless you consider Ric Flair.